my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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