i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
