No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
