Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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