Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
