All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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