I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
