I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
