I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
