Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
