I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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