wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
