With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i think my cat just said my name.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
