break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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