The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
