Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
