u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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