I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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