Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
