Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
