If i come over, it means nothing
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
