he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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