so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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