I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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