I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
