How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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