I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
