I just pynch a tree in the face
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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