My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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