i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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