Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
