I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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