You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
