I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
