It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
