We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
