Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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