If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
