I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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