we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
