I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were trust falling into bushes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize