I just saw a hot homeless man
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
