so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
