well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
