we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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