So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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