R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
