it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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