I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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