Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
