you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dignity is for republicans.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
