Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
