We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
