btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
