It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
