im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
