If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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