3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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